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Hello traveler! Welcome to :iconthecritiquables:.

some simple rules:

:bulletblue: Submissions are accepted only in the "Submission" folder

:bulletblue: mature content is surely allowed, with a tag.

:bulletblue: If you submit art, you will need to comment/critique on works featured in "Unappreciated works"
and comment on the journal with the title of the work or link

:bulletblue: Each work submitted will get one critique/comment from the Admin

:bulletblue: If either party (writer/criticizer) is rude, I want you to contact the Admin and they'll deal with it.

:bulletblue: We are accepting Admins so if you are interested, Note NotenSMSK!

:bulletblue: all the regular dA rules apply

:bulletred: Here is the Link to the present unappreciated feature!…

Folder information:

:bulletyellow: GiD / DiD / Mature; Guy or Damsel in Distress. This means somebody is in peril.
I think "mature" speaks for itself really.
:bulletyellow: OC = original characters so for when YOU have created your characters
:bulletyellow: Fanfic: for fictions with character created by somebody else
:bulletyellow: The one Shot folders are for stories that only have the 1 part that you want to submit
:bulletyellow: Chapter stories folders are for when you have written/are writing a piece that consists out more then 1 piece.
:bulletyellow: Poetry is where all the poems and the like go.

:bulletyellow: Featured is the folder where a work we feel should be appreciated, goes

:bulletpurple:If you have any questions, suggestion or issues please don't hesitate to let us know :bulletpurple:

Good day, traveler and welcome in our humble corner. We are TheCritiquables and wish to help you with whatever quest you may be on.
Do not hesitate to ask our help, for we well know how hard any chosen path can be. Take a drink and tell us of your issues, only then may a problem be solved in peace and quietness

Hey everybody! :wave:

Some of you folks have already heard about the contest, "A Writer's Arsenal". Well, I thought I'd let you know the following:

monni18 , Aerode , World-Inside-Me , MagicalJoey , EmmieBeeCreations , and katamaris4ever 

Just wanted you to know I sent you the points for the contest. Let me know whenever possible that you received them.

And well, onto the second most important part of this presentation: a feature of the works on behalf of me, TheCritiquables and PoetrynProseWatchers 

So, let's start.


I really liked this poem. Although long, I do admit that it kept my attention and it didn't feel forced in the narration it used. It had the "once upon a time" opening, but I found that as a strong point of this poem, especially when I took into consideration the character development which was done in the course of this poem. The characters of The Princess and The Mermaid was definitely something which would remind you of The Little Mermaid (both the Hans Christian Anderson story as well as the Disney movie of the same name), but the twist is in the ending, as well as how there is a lesson which is learnt from the poem's approach: of friendship. Personally, I think that the best portion which defines how much I enjoyed this poem, was this one:

The princess stayed there quietly,
Not wanting to intrude.
To startle her with questions 
Would be nothing short of rude.
The ocean kept its distance too,
By drawing back its tide.
But suddenly, the mermaid hushed,
Her watery eyes were wide.

Not watery in simple tears,
But watery in hues -
The deepest, richest underseas
Shone out in vibrant blues.
So stunning was her fixed gaze,
Unblinking as the sun.
Though almost frightened by her stare,
The princess would not run.

"Hello…” she said at length,
To this wondrous form.
Her heart was quickly beating.
Her cheeks were growing warm.
The deep eyes never faltered.
The mermaid made no sound.
The princess shuffled foot to foot
And looked down at the ground.

Slowly and unsurely,
Forward Meara stepped
To the hollow in the sand
Where this being wept.
"Hello." returned the mermaid,
At last giving reply.
They both remained in wonder;
The sea had met the sky.
It speaks for itself in my opinion.

Now... this poem. I'm having a hard time to admit that the sonnet came second in my poetry prizes, but I believe that, all things considered, this did come a close second. And rightfully so: The conflict between the astute pen and the vigilant sword is a concept which definitely works right. As a sonnet, it definitely was a contender based on

  1. The way it balanced its syllables and rhyme scheme
  2. The depth of its theme
  3. The brevity of its approach
As a sonnet, it was open to suggestion and it did bring its argument to the audience in an arbitrary, unbiased, and refined tone.

This required me to read a few more times, to be honest. It didn't deviate from the core themes that it had started to work on, and on that note, it even managed to bring some aspects of character development too. The use of the structure in this poem worked in its favour, and are noteworthy in their own right. With that said, it had a stronger ending, than a beginning, while the middle portion kept my attention but couldn't live up to the depth of the ending.

And that in itself is
worth contemplation
since somehow we both have 
a place in creation…

ComfortNo matter the pain, those feelings will pass
The struggles endured today
The present of peace will one day be cast
The torment breaks your soul too fast
And thrashes your heart as you lay
No matter the pain, those feelings will pass
The taunting of strangers, with words so crass
The lethal thoughts begging to stay
The present of peace will one day be cast
Anxiety reaches critical mass
Crying for justice, for thieves to pay
No matter the pain, those feelings will pass
Fragile plans shattered by glass
And jeering horses start to bray
The present of peace will one day be cast
One day I hope you find a hope that will last
And keep the brokenhearted believers at bay
No matter the pain, those feelings will pass
The present of peace will one day be cast

Personally, I found this poem to be mediocre. I appreciate the sentiment, and the concept is something which I write about often. It was, nevertheless, the delivery and there being no links to comments linked in the entry which made it fall short. Has the potential to be better, but it does deserve a mention nevertheless.


It was short, it was bitter, and it had an ending which was expected, and yet was not expected at the same time - partly because of how the descriptions in their conciseness do portray how "depression" feels. It was passionate, it kept my attention, and it was able to hold onto that core theme it had chosen to write about. All in all, it was sad, and it held my attention from when it started till its ending. A small portion which helps explain what is inside this little nugget of a winner:

And as the sun breaks the horizon with amber rays, she drags her husk of a body over to the mirror, where this small and damaged girl eyes her own reflection. Her straw -like hair is unkempt and tangled, her arms bruised and covered with scratches. Long, red marks are visible from the length of her elbows to her wrists, her nails having etched into her skin in desperation. With hands clasped together, she prays to the angels to protect her, to help everything become alright. People have heard her pleas as she strains through clenched teeth to get messages to heaven, each note returning unanswered. 

This story is about young love. That is all that can be said about it. What else can I say about it? It had a good setting, and from time to time, the characters - who I thought were constructs, by the way - had their moments when they were able to sustain my attention and kept the story going. In fact, the story - which was cleverly thought out - was of the characters rather than a predefined set of events. The dating system in this story was a bit gnashing to my eyes, I'll admit, but the character's interactions were some of the finest I have come across in a long while.

The fireworks are bursting in the background as we lay against the ground enjoying the new year. Your therapist has recommended you leave me because she says, "I distract you from your real goal."
You don't want to but you also want the approval of your therapist. I want what's best for you. 
"Don't leave me, Gabriel."
I turn my head to you and you follow suit. 
"You don't leave me first."
At that, you smile and scoot closer to me. We still haven't made physical contact yet but we haven't done that in days. Your attacks have been more frequent and relentless. So I just sit with you while you figure it all out in your head. 

All by all, a good job :thumbup:

I adored the concept of this prose piece. From its opening, till its end, it kept me captivated - the description was well thought out, and I feel sad - suffice to say - that it had a second part to it. :( It leaves with a cliffhanger ending, even though as a short story in itself I found it profoundly entertaining and rather fun. :thumbsup: It's a nice read to be honest, and this portion was the best one in my opinion:

"Maybe he was like, a janitor or something. Not important," I suggest halfheartedly. But he was much more. He never got to come home to his curious child and sweet, adoring wife. Work consumed him and became his soulmate instead. Ever since, my mother has been working to make ends meet, and only requested a vacation to see the grand opening of this work of art. I've been wanting to help out, but she makes a fuss about it and tells me to stay home and wait for her after she finishes working.
"Yes. Maybe." she answers absentmindedly. Blake and I see that her mind has floated elsewhere, and begin chatting about WorldFall instead.
"I just beat the story mode yesterday. Emotional ending, y'know," I say.
"Mm. Wait until you get to one of the extra chapters. It's a feel trip."
"Oh, great."
An hour passes. I stare and find myself lost in the rolling green pastures, peppered with a selection of multicolored flowers. It looks a bit like Christmas lights. As we approach the Aerodome, the emerald is slowly replaced by glossy silver and gray. Light is scared away by the sudden presence of shadow. I look up. The dome takes up the entire sky now, blotting out the last few waves of sunlight. It appears as a giant in the air, an amalgam of technical prowess and metal. A juggernaut of metal. I see now the intricate linings of gray snaking across the behemoth. And yet, there are no stilts, no pillars to support it. It's truly magical.
"Wow," is all I can say. Blake and my mother nod in agreement, their faces dim under the earth.
"Hello!" A jovial middle-aged man approaches us. He's well-dressed in a three-piece suit, auburn hair slicked back. Blake and I instinctively walk behind my mother. It must look pathetic: two tall teenagers attempting to hide behind a dwarf of an unfazed woman. The man pays us no heed, and instead asks my mother for our passes. She produces them, and he nods emphatically and leads us toward the elevator, where a long line twists around the expanse of murky ground.
"Isn't this exciting?" my mother giggles, giddy.
"In just --" she looks at her watch, "-- in just two hours, we'll be in that elevator and up in the heavens! I hope there aren't too many birds up there. It'll get in the way of my pictures."
As she fumbles with her camera, Blake can't suppress a smirk and points at her. They've always thought my mother was hilarious.
It's a nice read, to be honest. Worth every minute I read it, anyway. Has the potential to improve, but all in all, a job well done.

This is definitely the hardest read I have ever had on dA, and believe me, I've had aplenty of them. It was also, in my opinion, those handful few works which I couldn't read in full and was forced into simply... letting go, in terms of not being able to write a comment on it. A sad moment, yes, but I suppose we all have those sad moments whenever they pop up. :shrug: With that said, I definitely recommend reading this based on its imagery. Its awesome, jaw-dropping, haunting imagery:

You can be scared of the thing, of naming it in case it became real, like she was, and you could be scared in the thing. Depression and fear go hand in hand, she learned at that young age, because even though she did not know what depression was, she could be afraid of being different – for depression makes you different. Little things at first, not being able to sleep giving you dark bruises under your eyes and leaving you floating on cotton wool brain cells for the day, until you crash in the afternoon but then can’t sleep at night. Knowing people were not going to like you is another gift depression gives you. You can see into a person’s mind and know that they are not going to ‘be your friend’ as one thinks at that age. Therefore, she went through pre-school without any friends but the girl with bracers on her legs – because even though a mental disability and a physical disability cannot be compared or comprehended at that age, somehow children know instinctively that they are linked. 
One of the paragraphs in this work. It speaks for itself, in my honest opinion. Haunting, passionate, and sincere. :thumbsup:

So yeah... that's my feature for these lovely contestants. All I need to do now is give four critiques to the first and second prize winners of poetry and prose, and do an interview for the first prize holders.

And that goes to you two EmmieBeeCreations and World-Inside-Me .

Till then, give these works some love :dummy:

More Journal Entries


Add a Comment:
World-Inside-Me Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2015
Thank you greatly for the feature! :love: 
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for being wonderful, hun.
World-Inside-Me Featured By Owner 3 days ago
SweetBumblebee Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hello together,

is this group still active? The last comment has been a while.MushroomBear- Confused 
jackgunski Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2015
I'm not an admin, but I still actively participate, although admittedly I need to catch up on doing reviews.
jackgunski Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2014
*looks for a new feature...* Nope...
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Sorry, the new feature hasn't been uploaded yet. Mostly waiting for the end of the month for now.
jackgunski Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2014
Taking the month off? :D
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
No, no. Will get to the deviations. Just been too busy lately.
(1 Reply)
LindaBostic Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, hey..thanx for the add.....
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